In my 20s, I knew exactly where to go and meet a potential mate: the college library if I wanted a smart guy with earning potential; parties and night clubs for a fun guy; and young professional meetups that offered volunteer and networking activities, because that’s where fun, smart and conscious guys were.
Then my 30s happened and life became more serious, with more responsibilities and even greater career goals. Moreover, the dating pool seemed to shrink and the scenery was not the same. As a late 30-something year old, I now ask, where do I find that special someone?
I am not the only one wondering where to find love. I received two emails this past week asking for places to meet someone. One inquiry was from a gentleman in his 30s, who says he is “shy, quiet, smart, hardworking, responsible and dependable, but can’t find a woman.” He wants to date but is having a hard time. He has tried several dating apps, however he has not had much success and does not know where to physically go and meet someone. Another inquiry came from a woman who is looking for eligible men over 65 years old. She has heard many catastrophic stories about online dating and is not interested in turning to dating apps or websites. She raised a poignant question that would leave any of us second-guessing this whole dating thing: “Are we destined to remain unattached forever?”
Absolutely not! We shall not speak those words into existence; however, we must understand that love will not just show up at our doorsteps — at least not for many us. We must play an active role in finding love and the key is meeting someone who is compatible. There are three steps you must take to get closer to finding that special someone.
The first thing to do is create a profile that answers five simple questions?
What’s my catch phrase? (This should be 140 characters or less.)
What do I like to do for fun?
What are my interests and hobbies?
What are some fun facts about myself?
Where are my favorite places to go?
You may be thinking that this sounds like an online dating profile, but those questions are there for a reason, so use them in your day-to-day quest for love.
Next, be clear about the type of dating scenario you seek. Is it a casual encounter, long-term relationship, or a let’s-just-see-where-things-go situationship? Deciding upfront what you want and are willing to accept is critical and will help you eliminate the B.S. right away.
Lastly, you have come to the most important step – the search. The search includes positioning yourself to be discovered, having an open mind, being flexible, and most of all, casting all frustrations and negativity to the side and just have fun. This is the step where the process of elimination takes place. If you meet someone who you do not believe is compatible, don’t waste time or get flustered, simply move on to the next one.
Take your profile and the type of dating scenario that you want and begin to look for that person who is compatible. For example, if you want to date a person that is high profile, wealthy, and share a similar political point of view, then you must also share some of those interests and go where they go. Political clubs and events, golf and tennis tournaments, art museums, musical performances and cultural activities and volunteering for nationally recognized charities (volunteer for a gala or serve on a board of directors). These are just a few places to position yourself to meet that person. Another example, is for someone who lives a low-key lifestyle and enjoys small group settings, gatherings such as house parties and backyard barbeques, coffee shops and cafes are great places to encounter this person.
Additional places, organizations and activities include professional associations, church, civic groups (i.e. NAACP), college alumni associations, bookstores, special interest meetups (check out meetup.com), and good ole fashion introductions and recommendations from friends and family (Yes, let them know you are looking; share your profile; and tell them exactly what situation you seek.). No matter your age, ethnicity or geographical location, these are all places you can go and steps you can proactively take to meeting that special someone and find love. Break away from your norm; don’t be afraid to put yourself out there; and most importantly, date and keep the faith.
The Dating Chronicles is an advice column for women and men who are single (not just in your head, but really single), never married, recently divorced, widowed or for those who simply love a good read. Share your questions, frustrations, dating woes, and success stories to AskAnnMarie1@gmail.com. You can also follow Chronicles of a Serial Dater on Facebook and Instagram and post/DM your questions. All names will be kept anonymous to protect the innocent. To learn more about me and my book, Chronicles of a Serial Dater, visit chroniclesofaserialdater.com.